no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
