Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
