I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize