The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
