ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
