I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
