I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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