Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
