omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
