I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
