I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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