I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
