Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
