dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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