I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dick very happy bro
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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