If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
