If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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