were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
