the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize