hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
