He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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