i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
