The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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