The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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