I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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