Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
