WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
