I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
