Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We had to coat check the pizza.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
