This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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