Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
