i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
