I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
