you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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