Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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