I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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