Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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