okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
