people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
