I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
