so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
