I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
