Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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