Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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