Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Houston, we have a blender
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
