508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
