Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
