So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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