they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
