I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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