I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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