just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
