Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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