Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
