I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
