I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
