Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
