I'm going to jail i love you
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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