I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
