Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
