sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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