This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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