While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
