I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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