she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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