That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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