can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
