I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
