There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
