if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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