im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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